A letter of love and encouragement to all those who are NOT in the holiday spirit

It’s that time of year again. That magical time when wreaths and garland cover signs and businesses, houses and yards on your block are covered in twinkly lights, and your favorite radio station is only playing upbeat Christmas music.
This is the time of year when most people jump headfirst into holiday festivities. There’s this energy of warmth and excitement all over the place. Everyone seems to be so… MERRY.

Most of my friends and relatives can’t wait to begin decorating their trees, hanging up their stockings, and planning their strategic placements of Elf on the shelf. Posts of adorable children with Santa and recipes for spiced apple cider begin multiplying on my Facebook feed.

Because of all of this excitement, and also because I don’t want to be labeled a grinch, I typically don’t share what I’m about to say. I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s fun.

This year I decided it might be good to let it out… Or at least publish on my blog for someone to randomly stumble upon.

I’m posting this so that if anyone else out there is feeling this way too, they’ll find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone.

Christmas is just not my favorite holiday.

I used to have a theory that you could tell how healthy someone’s family life was by how excited they got for the holidays. I’m not sure if this theory is accurate, but there’s a bit of truth in it. The holidays are hard when you don’t have a big happy family to celebrate with.


I know that I’m not alone in this sentiment. We’ve all heard about suicide rates increasing around the winter holidays. Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, candy canes and eggnog. It’s around Christmas when the brutal grief of divorce, death, or ended relationships becomes painfully apparent.

Please don’t misunderstand. These days I have my own little family and a relatively happy and healthy home life. It’s been many years since I woke up to spend Christmas morning all alone. I truly LOVE seeing my daughter’s excitement hanging up ornaments and unwrapping presents.

But still, that familiar bit of dread creeps in when I see Fall pumpkins replaced with holly and mistletoe. Like a scar that never fully fades, that past melancholy is still there. And to be honest, even when your situation has changed and you’re surrounded by love, grief and sadness can still be hiding beneath the surface. Do we ever fully stop mourning a loss?

I’m not quite sure why I’m writing all this and making these somewhat negative thoughts public. Please know that I’m not looking for sympathy or trying to rain on anyone’s parade. If you are a person who absolutely loves the holidays, I am so genuinely happy for you. This season is growing on me with each passing year. Please crank up those holiday tunes and rock around the Christmas tree.

But to those that DON’T love the holidays, this post is for you.

To those who have lost a loved one and are still grieving….

To those who have strained relationships with family….

To those going through divorce or separation….

To those who are wishing and praying they could have children to celebrate with…

To those who are forced by distance or circumstance to spend Christmas without their parents or their spouse or their children….

Please know that you are not alone. Please know that it’s completely okay and normal to feel sad. Please know you have no obligation to be cheery.

Please know that I understand and I am thinking about you. Hang in there. It gets easier.

To all my readers, PLEASE reach out if you’re having a hard time. I would love to hear from you!

Love & Light,


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3 thoughts on “A letter of love and encouragement to all those who are NOT in the holiday spirit

  1. What an awesome blog, there are a lot of us that feel exactly the same. Music playing and cheerful crowds are not me. Holidays bring sadness, regrets, and memories. I have been estranged from my daugher for many years. I regret foolish decisions I made years ago that changed her life, and would do anything to go back and start over. I love her so much, and now have a beautiful granddaughter too. I miss them.


  2. So grateful we made it thru the holidays and have a fresh start in 2018. Historically December is the hardest time of year for me. My story is complex and depressing but I’m gaining more strength each year and not wiping my emotions under the rug anymore, I’m allowing myself to feel sad, remorseful, grief, anxious and downright depressed at times. Despite my many painful losses in December and multiple traumas that impact my daily life I am putting one foot in front of the other and choosing to heal. My goal is to heal myself, eventually congure up the strength to share my story and help others heal as well. My dream is to have a healing center with hot yoga, a sauna or two, massage therapy, a crystal room, a dipping pool/ ice bath and theraputic interventions. I want to help prevent suicide and be a listening ear, voice of reason and understanfing for the lost and seeking on their journey to bliss. As I work my way thru my tragedies I gain more freedom and more ability to want to feel life again. For all who are reading this post or my comment be blessed. You deserve peace, put your needs first each day, it’s not selfish it’s a necessity! Namaste, Joy


    1. Thank you so much for posting! Wishing you so much joy and peace in the new year. Your dream of a healing center is amazing and I truly belief you will accomplish it! Namaste!


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